Lanthorn Sports predicts Super Bowl LIII

Brady McAtamney, Kellen Voss, Kady Volmering, Eli Ong, and Jerod Fattal

Brady McAtamney: New England 35, Los Angeles 34

Good God. This is getting old. For so long, I have rooted for Tom Brady to succeed – not only because of my name (also, no, I’m not named after him) but because I have longed for people to realize that he is, indeed, the greatest of all time. However, at this point, we’ve all accepted it and it’s time to move on to a new era. 

Yes, I am salty that we didn’t get Chiefs-Rams and yes, I am salty that Kyle Van Noy went from nothing in Detroit to stud in New England. Yes, I am salty that Rob “Stupid-head” Gronkowski would have rather retired than go to the Lions once he found out he was being traded. Yes, I am just salty in general when it comes to the Patriots. 

Let it be known that I am rooting for the Rams all the way in this game, but I have to go with my gut here. 

Kellen Voss: New England 41, Los Angeles 20

This matchup screams to be a blowout, as the evil empire that is the New England Patriots regime have so much experience in these big games, whereas the Rams roster doesn’t feature a single player who has played in the Super Bowl. Expect to see Julian Edelman running rampant in the middle of the field, former Detroit Lion Kyle Van Noy ripping into the Rams’ backfield, and Rob Gronkowski having a few big catches and perhaps a viral touchdown dance.

Instead of focusing on the somewhat-boring matchup, let’s focus on the more pressing issue. I know he’s a Michigan alum and I know I’m supposed to be envious of him like every red-blooded male in America, but Tom Brady has to be taking steroids, right? I credit him for staying in shape all these years and becoming possibly the greatest quarterback in modern football history, but 41-year-olds don’t stay in shape just because of drinking kale smoothies, doing a few crunches, kissing their kids on the mouth and downing more than a few gallons of water a day. It wouldn’t surprise me that the heralded TB-12 method includes a few needles, a healthy amount of HGH and maybe some deer-antler spray for good measure.

But congrats to Brady and Head coach Bill Belichick for turning into America’s team by default despite clearly being some of the most blatant cheaters in sports.

Kady Volmering: Los Angeles 27, New England 21

The New England Patriots are back in the Super Bowl, this time facing off with the Los Angeles Rams. The Rams are currently ranked No. 2 in the NFL for highest scoring games at 32.9 points per game, while the Patriots fall at fourth at 27.3 points per game. It’s safe to say it’ll be a close one. I’m predicting the Rams will pull through with a 27-21 win with a last minute touchdown. But in all honesty, I’m more interested in the halftime entertainment and which company will produce the most cringe-worthy commercial for the most amount of money 

Jerod Fattal: New England 31, Los Angeles 27 

In nine of the 19 years of my life, Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft and Mark Wahlberg (a die-hard Patriots fan) have been in the Super Bowl. Some may say it is boring, or predictable, but I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way. The Patriots have a polarizing effect on NFL fans whether they win or lose and I’m all about it. They produced some of the most entertaining games in Super Bowl history (see their comeback against Atlanta in 2017 or their loss to Philadelphia in 2018 for reference). But this year is different. 

Many are predicting this could be Brady and Belichick’s last time playing and coaching in the sports world’s biggest stage… that’s sad, even if you can’t stand their fans and think they are *GASP* cheaters. 

So during the Patriots’ inevitable and possibly last Super Bowl victory this Sunday, I ask you, in between bites of pizza, wings and mac and cheese (in search of a DYNAMITE mac and cheese recipe? Google “Andy Reid Mac and Cheese recipe”. You’re welcome.) to appreciate the greatness of the Patriots, because it won’t last forever… I think? Tom Brady is, after all, possibly an alien.