The Tale of Tinder

Emily Eaton, Columnist

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A lot of people told me college is the place to find a man. I’ve met a manifold of men, none lasting more than a month. They always come back (for your information), but that’s beside the point. Anyways, as the majority of us college singles do, in my desperate time of need, I turned to Tinder. 

I shouldn’t call it online dating. You might date, but honestly, you’ll probably just get a forehead Snapchat with an invitation for you to come “chill” at approximately 3 a.m. from a guy with a Patagonia hat on.

I knew this. I knew what to expect when I tested it out, and I told myself I was okay with it. For all the men who hurt me, it was payback time, baby, and I was taking it out on the entire male gender. 

Yet my revengeful head, separate from my feeble heart, thought dating multiple men would be simple. While watching The Bachelorette date 30 gorgeous men at once on national television, I kept contemplating. Could I tie down a Tinder tool? And could I do it while dating a bunch more?  

I’ve matured from my couple months of online dating in a college town. I learned that if you expand your area of availability an extra couple miles, you’ll have more options. I also learned that if you actually plan a date like out to eat you’ll probably get stood up. That happened with bachelor number one. Reject me with your chest next time. 

Bachelor number two, however, I actually liked a bit. I went on a date with him the next day. It was the first date I’ve ever been on that I wasn’t trying to escape after 20 minutes. I liked him enough that I even cancelled my date with bachelor number three the following day. The poor guy still messages me.

But bachelor number two wouldn’t leave me alone. He was texting me constantly and kept planning dates. I stopped feeling revengeful and actually felt intrigued, and I began losing interest in the other bachelors. That was my first mistake. The best dating advice I’ll ever give is when you think you’ve found a good one, get more good ones. Because really, the good one probably isn’t all that great. 

The most substantial thing I learned is that although some people have these attractive qualities and you think you have things in common and he has a gorgeous beard, you have to remember that there’s one quality in a partner that should always transcend the rest: how much they like you. And if you don’t feel that, the other qualities don’t count. Even if the beard is unquestionably great.

The second biggest thing I learned from online dating in college is… don’t. It’s not for us lovers. But for you players out there, of whom I both love (regretfully) and admire, go with grace, but I’ll probably stay out of it. Well, at least until I get bored again.