During this quarantine, pretty much the entire country has been trapped in their house, scrolling through their Twitter timelines and learning how to bake various things. In the time spent not worrying about this pandemic, I got to watch a lot of quality movies or read from a few amazing books. Every movie on this list is available on either Netflix, Disney+ or Hulu, all you got to do is steal your roommates password or something to enjoy. In an effort to keep myself pre-occupied, I have written a series of reviews of these movies, all of which are 19 words exactly. Because hey, what else am I going to do with no sports being on?
If you have a 19-word review of a movie you love that you think would make a great addition to a future volume of this column, simply email it to [email protected] Stay safe out there, fellow home bodies.
Things get freaky, but not that way — get your head out of the gutter. Jake has a MILF fetish.
Sleeping With Other People
Do not watch when you’re feeling like climbing a tree when no trees are around, you will be disappointed.
A perfect coming-of-age movie that delves into relationships in an exquisite and incredibly accurate manner with heart.
Ridiculous concept, but funny and heartfelt. Rogen and Theron kinda work together, Boyz II Men is a timeless treasure.
Everything Kumail Nanjiani says is funny. Generic bad boy cop plot, but exciting action scenes with a chiseled Bautista.
Den of Thieves
So ridiculous, but also a thrilling heist flick. Butler is too over-the-top, but O’Shea Jackson is perfect.
The Disaster Artist
The Franco brothers should do more movies together, and that accent from James is distracting, while still being hilarious.
You got to remember that she is always right, and practice the tango the night before. RIP Bernie Mac.
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan
Zohan personifies the American Spirit. Accents are questionable, but it’s hilarious and proves that everyone should follow their dreams.
Crazy Rich Asians
I understand the Oscar buzz now. Nick and Rachel are amazing, and so is Singapore. Don’t be a chicken.
Shows the slippery slope of the mob life accurately and intensely. This proves Pesci and De Niro are legends.
Eating the dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman
A personal tone and witty social commentary discussing how media shapes our landscape in damaging ways. Screw laugh tracks.
The Wrong Missy
Missy, Missy, Missy, can’t you see? I know your craziness just hypnotizes me. David Spade’s hair is a mystery.
You got to learn what they don’t teach you in law school. Young Matt Damon is a charming gem.
Maybe your doorman can be your therapist, but unfortunately, even he can’t stop you from naming your kid Stefani.
A powerful depiction of how women can band together to beat evil men. Believe women. Shoutout to Marisa Kwiatkowski.
Hamilton the Musical
The hype is now understood. You could work out to this brilliant soundtrack. Do not throw away your shot.
Chuckie/Doug finally got out of Boston. Affleck is really a dual-threat. Put this with the other heist classics.
Legend-making performances by Norton and Pitt. This movie twists your brain in a pretzel, but that pretzel is delicious.