Grand Valley Lanthorn

Here’s why you might be immortal

Athena Jasman, Columnist

March 9, 2020

The possibility of being immortal has always been a speculative fiction, but fiction is only a few letters away from nonfiction. No one has ever killed me. Since birth, I have completely avoided being murdered — even when ...

Disaster.

Disaster.

February 17, 2020

Tindér: Red and Gold

Athena Jasman, Columnist

January 6, 2020

Being in a committed relationship sucks for many reasons, but there is one clear, overbearing con: not being able to make fun of tinder bios. I know what you’re thinking: “What’s Timber? A dating app for lumberjacks?” No, but put ...

2020 Vision testing

2020 Vision testing

January 6, 2020

How to bounce back: As told by the fastest girls in town

Emily Eaton, Columnist

November 4, 2019

In college, everything moves extremely fast — the brisk wind borderline pummeling you on campus, your professor’s overly complicated lecture slides, and even time moves too fast when you’re about two minutes away from a m...

Presidential youtubers gone wrong (Clickbait)

Athena Jasman, Columnist

September 3, 2019

Americans are, and have always been, ahead of every other country since the bombs bursting in air gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. What we red, white, and blue-bloods are best at is implementing democracy an...

The Tale of Tinder

Emily Eaton, Columnist

August 26, 2019

A lot of people told me college is the place to find a man. I’ve met a manifold of men, none lasting more than a month. They always come back (for your information), but that’s beside the point. Anyways, as the majority of us ...

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