Student experiences Portal, lives to tell tale

Vincent Persichetti, undergraduate at Grand Valley, claims to have fallen in a portal and explains his findings.

Persichetti is claiming that Portals are full of “whatever your heart desires.” He claims to have fallen in a world that brought all of his dreams to life.

“It was really magical. I’ve been waiting for this ever since Red Version came out,” Persichetti said. “I fell in by the wrecking ball and there I was standing next to a Charmander.”

Persichetti, an avid Pokémon Master, explains that the world was filled was Pokémon and ran into his favorite starter Pokémon, Charmander.

“It was amazing, he was like ‘Chaaaaar,’” Persichetti said while moving his arms in a claw-like manner and imitating the voice.

Persichetti explains that the world in the portal was similar to the one he lives in now and went through the activities while he was in there.

“Yeah, we just went to a Tim Hortons and got some Tim-bits. Pretty average day if you ask me,” Persichetti said. “However, him (Charmander) burning every third doughnut got kind of annoying.”

Persichetti also went into detail about the interior and how he managed to come back into our world.

“Yeah, I mean we were playing some disc golf, which Charmander sucks at by the way, and I went into this forest and there was this vending machine. Then all of a sudden, I was back in my room,” Persichetti explains.

The Portal Authority declined to comment on the matter and expressed interest to “interview” Persichetti. The Portal Patriots have also expressed interest in meeting with him.

Disclaimer: This is satire and apart of the CFV 426 Aegis project. Aegis does not own any of the characters mentioned in this article.