Dear Concerned Citizens of Allendale,

We understand that Grand Valley State University throws the wildest and most rabid parties in the state, and likely the entire nation. The all-too-familiar sight of dumpster fires illuminating the night skies are probably keeping your children up at night, and the sheer number of our ever-present motorcyclist population ‘doing wheelies’ and drag racing down 52nd Street has simply gotten out of control. What was once a 10-person party can escalate to a hellacious 25 people by 11:30 p.m., which is when the police will heroically put an end to the devastatingly irresponsible behavior.

But, really, that isn’t the case. At all. Well, except for the part about cops busting up 25-person parties before midnight. If you live in Allendale, you live in the tamest, least eventful public school location in the lower peninsula. For the most part, our students are peaceful and altruistic. There aren’t reports of riots or violence like there are at other universities in the state. The most dramatic event to happen at Grand Valley in the past five years was when a student was shot — not by another student, but by a police officer.

In the most recent college atmosphere study conducted by The Daily Beast, an online news publication affiliated with Newsweek, GVSU was ranked as the sixth-safest college campus in the United States, and it’s probably because of the bike cops that can been seen pedaling feverishly around campus (that is not a joke). In 2009, the university was ranked third among all colleges in terms of safety.

Comparatively, the University of Michigan was voted the 22nd most dangerous college campus in the nation, while our peers in East Lansing have a Wikipedia page titled “Michigan State University student riot” that contains a subhead that reads “Other Notable Civil Disturbances,” complete with a bulleted list of seven similar violent incidents at Michigan State. The most notable disturbance that ever occurred at GVSU may have been the Grand Valley LipDub or that weekend back in fall of 2009 when DPS made 117 arrests and handed out 102 MIPs (that is not a joke either).

In the end, it’s fair to say that GVSU is not – by any means – a party school. Sure, we’ve had our moments and even the occasional double-kegger, but all things considered it’s a pretty peaceful place to be. We even have a Children’s Enrichment Center right on campus. If that doesn’t say “we want to keep your children safe,” then what does?

And it might be hard to come to terms with it right now, but your kids will grow up. They will go to college. They will drive their cars too fast and go to 25-person parties and they might even do a keg stand if they are small and have strong friends. Now that doesn’t mean college students have the right to flip your kids off or make scary faces or any other kid-raised-on-the-wrong-side-of-the-tracks kind of things — you are right to find that off-putting. Most people do.

But we’ve got bad news for you. Allendale is only going to get bigger. This school is growing in popularity, and there will be an inherent need for additional housing in the coming years. Your cornfields and farmland are going to thin out and give way to students, apartments and block parties. But only until 11:30 p.m.

Then we’re going to sleep.