After a summer of living according to mom and dad’s rules, students return to campus to sharing a dorm room or apartment with friends and to enjoying a life with no rules.

Once the initial honeymoon period has passed, though, students become perhaps unwilling counselors as friends constantly have complaints about the Messy Mirians or the Loud Larrys creating problems in the townhouse.

Leena Karsan, Grand Valley State University’s Living Center Director for both Niemeyer and Calder living centers, said the most common complaints she receives from her residents are regarding sharing a physical space when the two roommates have different lifestyles. It can be difficult when one roommate is a morning person and another a night person, which makes communication all the more necessary.

“Communication is vital in having a positive relationship with roommates,” Karsan said. “Residents do not need to be best friends with their roommates, but rather to respect each other in their common spaces.”

Positive outlooks

Resident Assistant Heather Baron-McLeod, who resides in Kistler, has also heard some of the same complaints but focuses her advice in a different manner. She encourages students on her floor having roommate issues to really try and learn something about others and themselves rather than focus on the negatives.

“A lot of people don’t capitalize on that opportunity,” she said. She added that one of the greatest benefits of sharing a dorm room and living center is to encounter people different from yourself. If her residents approach the situation from a learning perspective, she believes the outcome will be smoother living situations.

The assistant living center director for Niemeyer and Calder, Shawn Clark, echoed McLeod’s sentiments about taking to the experience in an optimistic way.

“I think that it is important for anyone with a roommate to appreciate that experience and all that they can learn from it,” Clark said. “Even if the situation was not fully positive, the resident still gains skills to help them deal with real-life situations and occurrences after college.”

One way on-campus housing tries to be proactive about roommate discord is by giving residents a roommate agreement to sign when they move in. In most situations, the agreement can be signed and shelved, but sometimes it can be a good tool to pull out and remind yourself to what you and your roommate agreed.

“The roommate agreement in my area is used when students start finding themselves stuck,” Karsan said. “They are not sure how to approach their roommate with their issue or concerns.”

When a student is frustrated, though, those grievances must be aired so the rest of the living arrangement can go as smoothly as possible.

Even though occasional disagreements will happen, Baron-McLeod believes the best relationships will involve both parties not bottling up problems, but instead “being honest and respectful with each other.”

Off-campus roommates

Students living in off-campus housing with more living and personal space are not immune from roommate problems, and when those issues occur, Baron-McLeod said the response must be even more proactive since they have already lost resources such as community programming and housing staff support that can help in the case of a disagreement.

Karson suggests off-campus students create their own roommate agreement, even if it is just in a conversation as opposed to a contract.

“They can set some ground rules for their shared space in the apartment,” she said. “Learning to live with a roommate teaches students how to work through disagreements, speak up, confront each other, and that you can live in the same space with someone and not have to be best friends. You just have to respect one another and each other’s space.”

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