Do you want a big congratulations, huh? Are you looking for a pat on the back? A parade?

So you finally found someone who’s not embarrassed to be “Facebook official” with you? Big whoop.

Being single sucks, but relationships are no cakewalk either. There’s pressure and restrictions and drama, without a particularly bright future on the horizon; if 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, that doesn’t exactly bode well for the dating world.

PRESSURE: Uh-oh, you took the leap! You’re connecting with someone and saying, “Hey, I want to spend a lot of time with this person.” The problem is that we’re all very busy. How can you be expected to finish a term paper due the next day when your boyfriend is texting you for a booty-call (or rather, a booty-text)?

Your girlfriend might say that you never spend any time together, but it’s difficult when you have sports practice on top of work, classes and any other extra-curricular activities you may have (like a second girlfriend).

Can’t a guy catch a break?

RESTRICTIONS: We’re all prone to jealousy, especially when it comes to our boyfriend or girlfriend. In a way, by pledging your love to someone else, you submit to some sort of mutual ownership where you control each other’s social lives.

Girls, you can’t be hanging out with any of your guy friends anymore, because every boyfriend knows that the minute you do, your tongue is going down another dude’s throat.

Guys, you can’t be hanging out with any of your guy friends anymore. Girlfriends know what you guys talk about, and they don’t want your “boys” filling your head with bad ideas. And God help you if you get stuck with a female group partner!

DRAMA: I graduated from high school five years ago (shut up), but it amazes me how much “high school drama” has followed to the college level. When I say “drama,” I don’t mean the theater kind (unless both parties involved follow the stage direction of ACT ILLOGICAL), or any reference to the TV show “Entourage,” but rather the seemingly necessary act of causing emotional and psychological distress on your partner. It seems completely backwards for lovers to behave this way, yet it happens on a depressingly regular basis.

Having watched “The O.C.” enough times (every time), I know that drama is enticing. Perhaps, subconsciously, we believe that we need drama in our relationships, just like what we see on television, because drama attracts good-looking people. Unfortunately, real-life drama doesn’t mimic television — you both continue to look the same, and therefore no one wins.

Just because you’re not randomly hooking up with people and taking the Walk of Shame doesn’t mean you’re taking the Walk of Cake either (see above “cakewalk” reference). Relationships have their own set of problems without the option of a guilt-free exit. Before taking the plunge, make sure you have a damn good safety net. Otherwise, please refer to my previous column before you go SPLAT!

Next time, we’ll talk about what we’ve learned from all this, and how to move forward. If this sounds similar to a “We should talk…” conversation, it’s purely coincidence…

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