What do you look for in a relationship? Is it someone who shares many of your interests? Is it someone who is willing to put their needs aside for yours? Is it someone whom you’re willing to spend the rest of your life with? Love can be complicated, and it’s important to understand what love is in order to have a good relationship with someone.

I’ve written about what to look for in a good relationship with a significant other, but I’m currently taking a course on critical interpretation, and for the last few weeks we’ve been discussing love in today’s society. There are many different viewpoints concerning love and the countless ways that people show it. One person might shower a loved one with gifts, while another will show their affection by doing something special. Someone else might show their love through commitment and concern. There are many ways in which people show love, but is every form of “love” legitimate?

I believe that true love comes from a deep and powerful care for someone, as well as a genuine concern for their wellbeing. When I say true love, I’m not specifically talking about romantic love, which is the most common form that’s associated with the word love today. I mean general love, which includes love for family members, friends, and even humanity in general (though that one can be a bit scary sometimes).

I won’t act like I’m perfect at loving others with such strong feelings. In fact, I don’t really engage with others unless I’m in the mood, or they look like need help. Still, it’s certainly been something that’s made me think quite a bit recently. To what extent do you show your general love toward others? Would you call it love or just simply respect?

There are different opinions about what should and shouldn’t be considered love. I don’t want to get into them too much, but an interesting point this brings up is what people today typically look for in a relationship. One of the excerpts I read in my critical interpretation class, the first five pages of “The Art of Loving” by Erich Fromm, talks about how the word love has been greatly romanticized in modern America. People often look for love in this way, which greatly differs from the more traditional form of love in which marriage was often arranged by parents. 

I’m certainly not saying that we should go back to having our parents choose our spouse for us, but if you’re focusing so much on the romantic parts of love, how do you know your relationship will last? I guess a better way to ask this question is this: when you find someone whom you have feelings for, are you really in love with them, or are you simply in love with the infatuation and enjoy having the “butterfly” feelings?

I’m not telling you how to love someone, because there are different ways to love different people. When it comes to something as grand and complex as the topic of love, you really have to ask yourself: “How am I showing my love?”