It’s common knowledge that the states in this country like to compete against one another. It’s basically part of the hardcore patriotism that rubs off onto us. Just like high school and college rivalries, it’s simply natural that we pit our states against one another like some dog fight. 

Although many may get offended, this is all in good fun and I mean no harm. This is simply my lighthearted opinion on the states. There is actually no evidence to back any of this up.

Naturally, this will be a countdown with five being pretty bad and one being the worst.

State number five is, well, I couldn’t quite narrow it down. I was honestly stuck between Iowa, Arkansas, Kansas and Rhode Island. The first three are obvious. There’s nothing there. They’re the limbo of the states. Although technically not Midwest, they really give the most “mid” vibes in the West. We don’t need them, get rid of them. 

Rhode Island, however, is a little bit different. It’s too small to be a state. For perspective, Lake Michigan is about 22,500 square miles. Lake Ontario, the smallest Great Lake, is a measly 7,400 thousand square miles. Rhode Island is 1,200 square miles. That’s right. You can fit at least 6 Rhode Islands in our smallest Great Lake. 

Therefore, Rhode Island is in the running for being too small to be a state. In my opinion, it would be better to give the 50th state to a US territory.

Number four is California — controversial, I know — but I’m counting all of Hollywood and SoCal for my reasoning. Why would I want to live in a desert state where it’s always on fire, over 90 degrees and there are earthquakes? Pass.

Number three is Texas, the desert state. It keeps trying to secede and it’s too big in comparison to the other continental states. Maybe we can cut Texas in half and make that the 50th state if we get rid of Rhode Island.

Number two is Florida, the armpit of the states. The hot, sweaty, stinky, swampy state. When something crazy happens in Florida, the collective country goes, “Yeah, that tracks.” It’s on half of the license plates of the slowest drivers up here. 

Number one is Ohio because it’s not only the brunt of the joke for being the worst state, but Michigan justifiably has a reason to think it’s the worst state. We are born rivals. Unfortunately we are connected to one another. Take it from me, I have family there and this slander is completely warranted.