A woman rolls into a Starbucks drive-thru, two shit-tzus and a Bishon barking in the back seat. Across the parking lot, a Suburban makes its way toward the drive-thru. Distracted by her dogs, the woman
gestures to the other driver: “Who’s next, you or I?”

The lady in the Suburban misinterprets the woman’s signal for a claim of territory and is instantly
incensed. She rolls down her window and unleashes a string of expletives at her perceived adversary.

At first, the woman is taken aback, but soon, a deep and visceral empathy pervades her. The lady in
the Suburban, she realizes, has puffy eyes and a cellphone hanging from her hand; her hair is pulled
back into a sloppy ponytail; her car is in disrepair.

The woman ushers the Suburban driver to move ahead of her. When she reaches the loudspeaker, she
tells the barista, “I want to pay for whatever the woman in front of me has ordered. And please tell her
I hope she has a better day.”

This sweet little anecdote reached me through my Facebook news feed, reposted by a friend from a
blog called “Everyday Grace.” The moral of the story is simple enough and bears religious undertones:
be kind, even to those who are not kind to you. I’m not religious, but the older I get, the more age-old
moral platitudes I reach by my own conclusions. I finally understand why and how these platitudes are
good. Here, this anecdote catalyzed in me further moral introspection: a journey into my
understanding of empathy, a journey into my understanding of others.

Empathy is something that comes with age, I’ve found, and with a refined sense of social
responsibility. I always aim to be an empathetic individual, but sometimes, my patience gets tested
when I perceive others to be obnoxious, self-absorbed, or inconsiderate. This blog post reminded me
that these offensive people are often the ones who need the most empathy.

What I’ve truly realized is this: if we really want to be rational adults we should recognize the cause
and effect between the history and actions of an individual. What if you discovered that the annoying
girl who talks out of turn in class has major social anxiety issues? That your friend who always ditches
plans actually struggles with depression? What if you found out that your arrogant friend who always
brags about his accomplishments has real and piercing insecurities?

I argue that oftentimes, people who act offensively or inappropriately are hurting very badly. It’s easy
enough to be kind to others when we feel happy and confident, but this simple task becomes
challenging when we feel upset or insecure. If we are aware of these truths, as rational adults, should
it not be within our power to simply choose not to be offended by the actions of these people? If their
actions are not aligned with a personal attack on our character, why should we be offended?

Empathy of this sort requires true self-restraint, the kind of self-restraint that I don’t always possess.
Ultimately, however, I am not challenging you to become the best friends or white knights to these
troubled individuals. I am challenging you avoid aggravating the problem. If you see someone acting
rudely or inappropriately, think twice before you roll your eyes, complain to your friends, or avoid the
person altogether. If they’re socially anxious, depressed, or insecure, ostracism is probably only apt to
make the matter far worse. Rather than attacking the person, try attacking the root causes of their
issues with kindness. This is what true empathy requires of us all.

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