Well its official, we are definitely in the trenches of the semester right now. You can’t just withdraw and fall back from your classes anymore. You are stuck. You are beginning to build immunity to the coffee I.V. that you plug yourself into every morning and you are considering switching to espresso. Ammo is running low, morale is running low, and that awesome beach body that you developed during the summer is starting to fade as chocolate cake turns into a coping mechanism. This sucks.

So why does your life suck right now? You could be completely rational by taking a step back and realizing that you are paying for this misery, but then you might just lose it from the irony. So instead I think we should do the easiest thing and blame the professors. They may act like they hate coming to that 8 a.m. class as much as you do, but don’t tell me that they don’t all smirk slightly when test day arrives. And you want to know what, I will give that to them. They worked hardm got that Ph.D. or whatever degree their field requires and now they teach ignorant people like you and me.

However, let’s consider some facts. According to the quick facts on gvsu.edu for 2011-2012 there are a total of 835 professors/instructors and 24,662 enrolled students. Now given that administration doesn’t really matter here as they don’t give out homework (but believe me they will come knocking when it comes to money, I am going to ignore them from the total. And then it hit me. Professors make up about 3 percent of the campus population, so about 1 percent, and we the students (well you can do the math and hopefully you realize where this joke is going) make up about 99 percent.

Student body we have been ruled by the vast minority for too long. At first I thought we should rise up and occupy, but believe me no one wants to sit in a history classroom longer than they have to. So enough dancing lets get to the point. Professors say that for every hour that you are in a class you should spend three hours studying, five if its a science class. I think this is unfair as we science majors are forced to work harder, but for the sake of avoiding inter-major warfare we should stand as one. So here is the question: Who developed that stupid rule? Professors did you go to college? Do the math if I spend time in your class, and then read for your class and then study for your class I might have time ramen to sustain myself. However, I have FIVE classes not just yours. If I study the correct amount for every class I would not sleep. Also forget having a job because you know all of us are trust fund children and our parents are flipping the bill. And finally, forget having a social life because friends don’t matter only your class.

Professors we don’t hate you, we love you … in an abusive relationship kind of way. I just wish you would have a conference with each other so you realize that we students have more than just your class.

For my good friend Kyle,

Kevin Swift