Isn’t it great working up a sweat just walking from you car to your apartment? With Grand Valley State University commonly being engulfed in gale-force winds, the summer heat is a welcome change.

We love the summer because it’s one of the last times that students, you know, as almost-working adults, get an extended period of time to do absolutely nothing.

With Allendale being a less-than-exciting locale for students in the summer — and with downtown Grand Rapids being a less-than-cheap alternative — we revert to the simple stuff for entertainment.

Take the beach for example, a young adult’s dream locale.

What’s not to like about the beach?

It’s got attractive people (for the most part), it’s well within driving distance, you can rid yourself of that pasty-white overcoat you call skin and you get to enjoy Lake Michigan.

It’s a win-win-win-win situation.

Despite its glory, the beach isn’t just some socially lawless place for enjoyment — there are some rules that go with it. I’m not talking about the ones that might force you to fill a water bottle with vodka, no, I’m talking about how you act out there.

Listen, it’s great that people think being a beach bum is easy, but the truth is it’s just not.

First off, you’re almost an adult — ditch the boogie and skim boards.

They were really cool before you could drive, but at this point, you and your hairy chest should be nowhere near the water’s edge on a small wooden board.

Leave it to the kids to fall on their butts numerous times, not you.

You’ve also got to leave the music at home. I love music — I’m listening to music as I type this — but no one else really cares that you want to sunbathe with Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend” blaring in the background.

The beach is a place to relax, not listen to small Canadian boys rap (I honestly don’t hate that song… but that stays between us, kapeesh?)

With that relaxing, there’s one main skill you must master. Don’t worry about being the guy who flexes when he picks up his football or the girl who bends down to touch the sand, as if her feet don’t already tell her it’s 1,000 degrees.

You must be able to people watch, and I mean that in a totally non-creepy way.

Well, no, people watching is just creepy — but there are ways to make it totally legit.

First, invest in sunglasses, those will be your BFF in this whole act.

Then, you need someone else, because you can’t do this thing alone.

The more people who are sitting around staring, the less glaring and weird it feels for the subjects.

Once you’ve got your friends, your shades and your headquarters on the beach, it’s all about being able to scout stuff out.

You’re going to have to avoid staring at the attractive beachgoers the entire time, but trying to read lips is always a plus.

Last summer, I watched a girl dump her boyfriend on the beach, armed with a plethora of profanity and a handful of sand.

It’s a dangerous place out there. Plus, the sunburn is terrible.

Good luck this summer, you beach bums.

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