Have you ever wondered what’s in a hipster? I know I have.

This summer the streets of Grand Rapids seem to be crawling with them, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Eying ingredients has never been my strong point, but if had to guess how to make a hipster, I’m betting they would come together a little like this:

Begin with a heaping dose of homeless person. Add a pair of thick-rimmed glasses, mix.

(At this point, mixture may look like a cross between Einstein and Jesus Christ — this is what you are going for.)

Add three cans of Pabst Blue ribbon, stir vigorously, add another.

(If facial hair has yet to disguise the mixture entirely, add PBR as needed.)

Cover mixture with vinyl record and store in a coffee shop over night.

(WARNING: Do not store mixture in a mainstream coffee shop. Starbucks is a hipster’s Kryptonite, they will die).

When mixture has settled, your hipster should have bed head, leave this be.

Stir in a pair of Doc Martens.

Strain mixture with plain white tee, while wearing a white tee.

(If you are male the tee must have a deep V neckline showing the slightest amount of that trendy chest hair)

Throw in a few thousand funky-patterned scarves.

(Oh go on, throw in a few more.)

Lastly, separate mixture into various sized mason jars.

(Recycling, ladies and gentleman!)

Finally, never use the word hipster when referring to your hipster.

They prefer to think of themselves as those who have the sense to avoid conforming to the latest trends.

Now this recipe isn’t fool proof, nor does every hipster-ish person I’ve met love PBR or sport Doc Martens.

But think about it, I’m sure you can come up with a few people you know who fit the hipster criteria above.

What really bothers me about hipster-like people is the I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude regarding social norms and conventions, when they are so clearly following a huge social trend.

Go ahead and listen to vinyl records and indie bands if you like them, absolutely. And if you are proud of your chest hair, show it off through that deep V.

Personally, I happen to love thick-rimmed glasses, but that doesn’t make me a hipster.

Like hipsters, however, I prefer to think that I don’t always buy into current trends, that I can think for myself. This doesn’t change the fact that I love blasting Taylor Swift with the windows down in my car; and I refuse to stop doing so because an ignorant person thinks I’m less intelligent for it.

The ability to like something simply because you like it and for no other reason is much more respectable than taking on a style or attitude with hopes of being considered above social norms.

To all you hipsters hanging around Grand Rapids this summer, especially Eastown, I’m not trying to hate on your beards and scarves, they’re great.

I’m just wondering if you actually think so too?

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