Fantastic Lakers left fan-less after halftime show

Chris Slattery

Full disclosure: I know less about football than I do about quantum mechanics. And while it’s common knowledge that the Everett Many-worlds Theory states the implication that alternative histories/futures and the possibilities that thus derive can exist within the confines of reality, I still find two-point conversions confusing.

But what little I know about football seems vast in comparison to my understanding of fan behavior. My question is why Grand Valley State University students tend to leave during the halftime show of all the home games. As a fan of the GSVU football team, I prefer to stay for the duration of the game because, even though I may not fully grasp what is happening, I can at least comprehend when we are smothering another school into the turf.

So it really begs the question: why does someone who can’t tell the defensive linesman from the goalie seem to care more about the Lakers winning than, say, the rest of the student population, who are smart enough to know that there’s no such thing as a defensive linesman.

I say “I care more” because players notice a difference in their performance based on how much enthusiasm is behind them. Granted, the fantastic Lakers don’t have much to worry about, but let’s be real for a second; we had some close games early in the season. Even an athletically ignorant person such as myself can attest to that.

Do I blame the fans for those close calls? Not entirely, but I also don’t hold supporters of Christine O’Donnell entirely responsible for her lunacy.

What could be so important that GVSU students feel the need to abandon the Lakers in the most important half of a game? I realize that there are reruns of “House, M.D.” on, but that’s what the Internet is for (er, wait, I just got an e-mail about this problem recently …). The Lakers need the support of the student body they are playing the game for, just like Superman needs positive reinforcement from the people he saves and a Lanthorn columnist needs constructive criticism from readers rather than flaming bags of who-knows on his doorstep.

For fans, staying for half of the game only guarantees half of the experience. Assuming you leave prematurely, you will only see half of the dance moves in Louie the Laker’s dance repertoire. You will also miss half of the chances to jiggle keys in the air on a third down. You will also miss half of the game, which really is what you paid no money for in the first place.

Football games are meant to be enjoyed, and not just at the tailgate before hand. Even if you are still confused at to what those yellow posts at each end of the field are for, Lubbers Stadium would likely appreciate it if you stayed for a whole game.

That is, unless you’re interested in the theory that — once you leave and are unaware of the score — there may be two possibilities of reality, based on simple quantum physics principles.

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