Last issue, I established that we have unfair expectations for other people. Today, I want to talk about the expectations of others that weigh us down.

As we speed toward our quarter-life crises, it seems that we need to find a mate. And quickly, because soulmates are like the newest iPhone — if you don’t pick up one now, they’ll all soon be gone.

Never mind that we are still relatively young and, God willing, have many years ahead of us. Instead, we need to imagine as if we are living in the Stone Age, when life expectancies were shorter and the age of marriage was in the teens. Just after one got his brontosaurus license, he could take his new wife out to Make-Out Point.

So, yes, we have this pressure to find our match as quickly as possible, but tragically, we are single. That shouldn’t be a problem, right? Surely we have peers who would have a conversation, y’know, sexually.

Yet, the minute we announce our intentions to the world, every eligible partner suddenly becomes unavailable. As loners walking around campus, we notice that everyone is in a relationship. The urge to Red Rover our way through the sea of couples takes a backseat to the notion that it’s a conspiracy. It’s like “The Truman Show,” only no one is watching.

Although someone may be paying your best friend to hang out with you.

What’s worse is that being single can be our fault. We weren’t happy, or maybe we were happy but needed a change, and as a result, we threw ourselves back into the ocean of the un-loved. We’ve tossed our shot at happiness away like it was garbage, which is a complicated analogy for GVSU students, who are still unsure as to which receptacles accept which kind of trash.

Regardless of who caused your singularity (I used that word correctly, right?), we are left looking for someone new. It may take some time, but we’ll eventually get to the point where we want a connection again. And if we do find that one last person who tickles our fancy (which was not meant to be a double entendre), we can begin the courtship process, which I will cover next time. Clearly, you will want to read on.

And don’t call me Clearly…

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