So, I’m not very religious, but I like the idea of Lent. In fact, I appreciate almost everything about the corresponding holidays: Fat Tuesday (which, in this politically correct time of ours should be called Big-Boned Tuesday), Easter Sunday (because I need another excuse to eat candy), Palm Sunday (available wherever coconuts are grown) and even Ash Wednesday — a holiday which used to make me uncomfortable until I understood what the ashes signified. Also, people make terrible “Evil Dead” and “Pokemon” character jokes on Ash Wednesday and I laugh heartily.

See, for the longest time, I assumed that Lent was some lesbian-only version of the musical “Rent,” which — let’s be real — would be really cool.

But no, Lent is instead the purging of some food or luxury for 40 days as a reminder of a higher power. We realize that we can survive without all of these things we’ve been given and we should be thankful for what we do have. Don’t get me wrong, I really want a car, but I’m happy to have a MacBook, a college education and a roommate with a car.

And, just like any nationality can participate in Black History Month, even those who don’t have a strong — or any — religious affiliation can take part, almost like a bet. Okay, maybe equating a religious holiday with gambling isn’t the best route to go, but you knew what I Lent — I mean, “meant.”

Then the question becomes: What should I give up for 40 days? It needs to be something substantial, something of substance, without being essential to sustaining a human life. So that rules out Facebook and alcohol.

I also shouldn’t give up anything that could cause more harm than good to the world, like recycling or sex.

A lot of people give up chocolate for the 40 days and I laugh and say, “Yeah, because you totally expect me to not have any Cadbury eggs before Easter? As if!” In fact, I feel as though all food is out, as I eat so little of it as is:

Can’t get rid of Ramen, or as I refer to it, an essential block of my food pyramid.

Can’t get rid of Menna’s, because those are nice people there and I’d hate to give them a huge dip in sales for more than a month.

Can’t get rid of vegetables, because my New Year’s resolution was to eat more.

Ugh, while this isn’t anything to get Lent out of shape about — I mean, “bent” — but I still have a moral responsibility to uphold. Jim Carrey has already tackled abstract subjects such as lying and saying “no,” so what does that leave me?

Okay, just go with this for a second — swearing. Perhaps the one thing I do as much as taking a breath is uttering some curse for whatever reason (occasionally no reason at all). So, we’ll see how this goes because I can’t promise I won’t fu — I mean, slip up but I’m going to try it.

Wish me Lent — I mean “luck.” Shoot…

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