I was a kid once. I know it’s hard to believe, but 22-year-old Chris was once a small, immature freshman will no greater ambitions than throwing things off the bridge.

It feels so long ago… but that may be because I’m currently in my fifth year of college…

I remember throwing a lot of objects off the bridge, occasionally objects that did not belong to me or anyone else in the group. I remember the high we all got immediately after chucking the bucket/bicycle/rubber band ball over the railing and watching it careen towards a doom of rocks. It was magical to hear the sound of something smash into the ravines below and then run away into the night, giggling like little girls.

Then, like the time I read “My The Error Ways,” I soon saw the error in my ways. It may have taken a few years, but I eventually came to the realization that items don’t stay in the ravines. There is no treacherous mountain of appliances and bikes at the bottom of the Little Mac Bridge. In fact, it’s often very tidy down there.

So where did these objects go?

Since my hypothesis that “Toy Story” is based on actually events has not been proven yet, I can’t say for sure that these things simply stood up and walked away. Tragically, the answer may be simpler than that, and less awesome.

People went down there and picked that trash up.

I wouldn’t feel so bad if I didn’t think about it for more than a few seconds. Unlike most trash collectors that use garbage bags and a pokey stick, there are people who go all the way down the hills and into the ravines, only to drag the mangled bike carcasses back up again.

The ravine is not a giant natural trash receptacle, just like your backpack isn’t a kitchen cupboard.

Yes, yes, I know people steal plates from Fresh. After working for Fresh over the summer, I have learned of the many plights facing a Fresh Food employee, including the dish machine that appears to run exclusively on human sweat and the oft-disappearing supplies. Sure, throwing stolen apples on the roofs of nearby housing shows off your athletic abilities (albeit in a useless fashion), and grabbing a handful of spoons for your apartment is economical, but it’s also incredibly annoying.

Is it really so difficult to go to the Good Will Hunting store to get some second-hand plates? It’s not, because I’ve done it myself. How do you like them apples? Yet there are hundreds of people who go through Fresh every day who complain that there are not enough plates or forks or glasses only to shove a couple in their backpack moments later.

Even though I should have enough clout to stop these silly behaviors with a single column, I know that I can’t permanently. Instead, I will ask people to think of the consequences of these actions. That may make me sound like a square, but I’m not a kid anymore.

Although I still want “Toy Story” to come true.

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