As peak wedding season comes to a close, we’re reflecting on the outdated traditions that accompany matrimonial celebrations. From antiquated traditions to the enforcement of gendered expectations, it’s time for the wedding industry to modernize and push for a more equitable society. Especially in light of recent federal crackdowns on voter fraud, which have the potential to disenfranchise married women based on their names, we need to reconsider the ways society upholds patriarchal ideals, even those that seem light-hearted and celebratory.
Marriage ceremonies are a tradition often rooted in religious, generational or societal norms that are enforced through traditional aspects of wedding ceremonies. Surrounding these traditions, there is a culture of shame and control that weighs more heavily on women compared to men. An example of this double standard can be seen in the wedding dress industry. The color white symbolizes purity and presents women as passive objects to be owned by their husbands. The symbol of the white dress is derived from Christian values of purity and abstinence, which are not universally held in society. However, the white dress is an expectation for brides, with those who opt out of this choice facing criticism or judgment from guests.
This objectification of the bride is also shown through the “property-ness” of adopting last names. Although it is not required for those getting married to share a last name, the tradition of the bride being handed over from father to groom and taking her husband’s last name highlights the transactional nature that is still present in weddings, even if dowries are now relatively obsolete. The erasure of the wife’s “maiden name” also serves to erase her identity and family name as she instead adopts her husband’s identity. This places her as an extension of the groom rather than as an autonomous person in her own right. It’s time we start questioning the broader implications of traditions society blindly follows. We need to critically think about the world around us and the social contexts in which we exist so we can make positive changes for a more equitable future.
Additionally, the idea of a bride being “given away” is rooted in the idea that a woman is not capable of making decisions about her own well-being, instead favoring the economic benefits of the men involved in the transaction: the father and groom. Even in a relatively progressive era in terms of women’s rights, weddings remain one of the most obvious ways in which women are still treated like property, exchanged as if they were a commodity. Despite this being perhaps the most pivotal moment of the married couple’s new life together, men continue to be centered with benefits, while the bride is an object to be looked at but not listened to. This notion doesn’t stop after the wedding celebration. Research shows a disproportionate increase in health, wealth and happiness experienced by married men compared to married women. The wedding celebration mimics the way in which marriage benefits men more than it benefits women.
In addition to outdated traditions related to the bride and/or groom, the structure of wedding parties as a whole is extremely gendered. It is assumed the bride will stand with her bridesmaids, and the groom with his groomsmen. Special roles in the ceremony, such as the flower girl, maid of honor and best man, are also a big part of wedding traditions. However, these traditional roles can make those who don’t fit into gendered labels feel ostracized within the wedding. While these titles can be altered for specific parties to better suit gender identities, it would be more fitting for these traditions to fizzle out, allowing those within wedding parties their own labels, or lack thereof.
One tradition that has fortunately begun to fade out is the garter toss. This is an event similar to the bouquet toss, where the bride throws her bouquet to her bridesmaids. Both the bouquet and garter toss are intended to predict who will get married next, depending on who catches them. However, the garter toss is a highly sexualized adaptation of this, where the groom removes the bride’s garter from her thigh in front of guests and tosses the garter to the groomsmen. Despite the similarities, the groomsmens’ racier version of the tradition just feels like an opportunity to sexualize the bride as a spectacle for the celebration. We hope to continue to see less and less of the odd garter toss tradition at weddings.
Overall, there are plenty of traditional aspects in the wedding industry that are in dire need of shifting toward a more progressive and inclusive approach. The current, normalized traditions simply feel sexist, derived from outdated purity values, and are identity-constricting, which no longer feel appropriate in the current state of society. Those who participate in conjugal celebrations should strive to accommodate the identities and values of their specific wedding party, without the feeling of the industry’s constricting norms.
