Come on college kids, give Herman Cain a chance

Kevin VanAntwerpen

I know, I know, I know — this is a college campus, and most of you kids are going to vote Democratic come 2012 (if you lazy bums even vote at all).

I get it. You want four more years of your weed smoking, your underage drinking and your teenage pregnancies. But really. You should just hear me out about this Herman Cain guy. The Republican Presidential nominee and former Godfather’s Pizza CEO is actually really hip (is that the word you kids like? I was going to use ‘banging’, but given the allegations against him right now [see below], it’s probably not appropriate). Here’s why I think Herman Cain could fly with the college generation.

He’s never been accused of sexual harassment (outside of the pizza business)

The biggest buzz over Cain’s campaign thus far has been the allegations of sexual harassment during his stint at Godfather’s Pizza. But during an interview on Fox News, Cain made it abundantly clear that except for those instances at Godfather’s, he has never been accused of sexual harassment. Let’s face it boys and girls – there’s nothing you like more than a ladies’ man, and every ladies’ man has been shot down once or twice. For Cain, he just happened to be slapped with harassment charges and then settled out of court. What’s the big deal?

He doesn’t like smoking, but some of his best friends are smokers

After his ad featuring campaign manager Mark Block smoking a cigarette went viral (you should see this video – the guy looks really cool), Cain went on record to say: “Young people of America, all people, do not smoke. It is hazardous and it’s dangerous to your health. Don’t smoke.” But even so, the message is still out there. Cain’s campaign office probably looks less like an office and more like the back room of a strip club. What self respecting college kid wouldn’t want to vote for that guy?

He wants to turn the U.S.-Mexico border into Jurassic Park

Transformers. Star Trek. James Bond. That Justin Bieber documentary. It’s no secret that the youth of America love action movies. That’s why, when Herman Cain mentioned building an electrified fence to prevent immigrants from slipping into the country illegally, I knew we had a winner with the youth vote. Picture the Jurassic Park fence stretching for miles. When Mexicans get to the gate, they’ll have to ask themselves, “What do they have in there? King Kong?”

No, Mexico. It’s not King Kong. It’s freakin’ America. And we’ve got dinosaurs.

He’s a rock star

I realize how important music is to you guys. Cain’s got those bases covered too. He may not be John Lennon, but he did cover John Lennon’s song “Imagine” and change the lyrics to better relate to his own life. For instance, the segment “Imagine there’s no pizza. I couldn’t if I tried. Eating only tacos. Or Kentucky Fried.”

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