Signs there shouldn’t be a second date

Kevin VanAntwerpen

When it comes to dating, fall is the new spring.

It’s getting cold. Really cold. Most normal people desire something a little warmer than their cat to cuddle next to them when the snow starts falling, but with the dating season comes various dangers. Here are some warning signs to look out for.

World of Warcraft – So she’s hot. Really hot. But there’s one problem. She’s got a level-85 Goblin Priest character on World of Warcraft. This is bad news for any potential relationship. No matter how into you she may seem, she’ll always spend more time with Soran the Blood Elf. And how can a girl resist the charms of a boy who kills people with a sword?

Alcoholism – If your date consistently starts sentences with, “This one time when I was drunk”, you’re probably in for a ride. This may not be the good kind.

Facebook pages for pets – Run. Run very far away.

Anime – These are funny Japanese cartoons about people with pointy chins and noses who shoot beams of light out of their hands. First chance you get to look at your date’s bedroom, scan the room for DVDs, posters or the comic book form (I believe the street term is “manga”). If any of these items are present, get out fast before you’re subjected to hours upon hours of awful television with poor voiceovers.

Panel vans – Don’t get in them, even if your date promises candy. You probably won’t be the first person to die in the back.

Constant talk about the ex – If he or she continuously brings up the ex, it’s probably a bad sign. There are people out there who obsessively cling to their past in such a way, that it requires shrine building and satellite surveillance. A relationship this type of person can only go two ways: either they don’t fall for you and rip out your heart, or they do and stalk you for the rest of your life. Anyway. That’s all for this week. I wish you luck in your dating ventures. Be safe, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

[email protected]