Are you finding “the one” or are they finding you?


Students in isolation can find a pace to vent in the Counseling Center’s Virtual Drop-In sessions. (Courtesy / Science News for Students)

Emily Eaton, Columnist

Picture this: you’re dressed up in the most radiant, risqué cocktail dress ever woven, with a plethora of men before you all stepping out in their shiny shoes of an even shinier limo. They all have one goal on their just-recently-fully-developed mind, and that’s to swoon you. 

You’re the Bachelorette and this world of men is your oyster, with you as the opulent pearl. But that very same night, instead of spending the following weeks going on lavish dates with a bunch of beautiful men, you look at one, fixate on him, and say “that’s my husband.” The spoilers are all over the internet, so look it up if you want to be disappointed. 

This season of the Bachelorette has had us all in turmoil for this very reason, but it got me thinking. Is this seasons’ Bachelorette totally wrong or is she painstakingly right? Can she trust her judgement that she has found “the one,” despite the amount of men also applying for the position? Can any of us?

I’ve made it to the one-year mark in my own relationship, and that mark makes you start thinking about whether or not it’s for the long haul or doomed. 

You look to your left and someone just proposed. On your right, someone’s five years in and still won’t utter the “m” word. Everyone is doing something different than those next to them, and it’s difficult to figure out the direction for yourself. I’ve often heard, “you just know” in reference to finding the person you’ll spend forever with, but finding your soulmate cannot possibly be that simple.

The reason it’s not that simple is because after centuries of young lovers being screwed over by completely undeserving partners, it’s quite easy to get wrapped up in the “what-if’s” of dating. You can be blinded with the “I’ve found the one!” feeling to only realize you’re girlfriend number two a week later. 

Even if it is a long-term relationship, what if there is someone out there that’s more meant for you and the small differences aren’t worth reconciliation? What if they dump you seven years in and now you’re left starting over? It’s easy to let the doubt overtake your instincts that lead you to who you are with today. So which do you listen to? The doubt or the instinct that told you that you found the one?  

I thought my high school boyfriend was the one. I thought my other high school boyfriend was the one. I was going to marry my kindergarten boyfriend, too. 

The truth is, you never know – but there’s nothing wrong with that, either. I ended up with neither of them and I’ve turned out just fine. Therapy helped with that. 

Point being, I don’t think you ever really find “the one,” but I think the one finds you, and then it just works, plain and simple. Or it doesn’t, and you find your real “one” later.  

This seasons’ Bachelorette willingly tossed aside 20 other stunning men for “the one” she picked out instantaneously. Believe me, I screamed at the television too. But there is always that chance that her gut feeling is right, and that listening to it has led her to her match. If not, well, she’ll say goodbye to him and be that much closer to finding Prince Charming.