I would like you to know from the outset I’m a good guy, and dating isn’t exactly easy for me. That’s why I was ecstatic when I read your article on Carrie Oakey.

She was perfect. Was she joking in her interview? Was she really that stupid? I didn’t know, but I was hopeful and the mere chance that she could both love sports and be a comedic genius was enough for me. I eagerly jumped up and exclaimed to an entire bus of people that I had found my soul mate. That Carrie was the woman of my dreams. No one seemed to care, but that’s because they didn’t understand. I was in love! The world had to know!

I sat eagerly planning out my now perfect future, a future with Carrie; When I suddenly realized that I hadn’t even talked to her yet! How could I make such a novice mistake?! I sprinted off the bus at my stop, ran to my room, yelling to my roommates and friends and anyone in earshot, that “I found the one!” I started up my computer, willing it with all my heart to turn on faster. Every second wasted was a second Carrie and I weren’t together.

After what seemed like an eternity I opened my browser and went immediately to face book, knowing that I must be able to find Carrie there. There were no results for Carrie Oakey at GV. How could that be?! At this time my friend thought it would be funny to instill doubt in me. To taint my hope, “Dude, it’s probably not even a real person. Sound it out.” I looked at him confused. “Carrie Oakey… NO! It has to be real there are other people on face book with the same name!” I grabbed the article desperately searching for more details, something, anything that would allow me to connect with my other half. Then I noticed the email address at the end of the article. [email protected]. My heart sank. For a moment I contemplated drinking my problems away, violating my probation and my AA contract. Then I realized, I wouldn’t be able to adequately express my anger to Mr. Kerr if I was intoxicated. My hands shook with rage as I did a people search on the GVSU website for Joe Kerr. The monster who had shown me every thing I ever wanted and took it away before I could grasp it. No results came up. Then I realized, Joker, Kneel Down, Karaoke, they were all pseudonyms! Lies! Falsities! No one in the article actually existed! I needed an outlet for my rage. I needed something, anything to convince me the world wasn’t a complete lie! Nothing came. So I started writing a letter, this letter to express the depth of my hurt and sorrow. The inner turmoil the article has just created is unbearable. So I’m not going to bear it, I’m letting it out. You are really really mean Mr. Kerr, whoever you are. I dislike you and would contemplate telling people you smell bad if we were in a social situation together.