It’s that time again boys and girls! The snow is finally melting which means it’s the start of the three-month window where the weather outside doesn’t make your face hurt! It’s beautiful. You can open your windows, wear shorts and play video games outside (maybe that’s just me). Most importantly, the advent of spring means that it’s time for spring cleaning. Your hovel has been accumulating filth since October, so it’s time to purge! The hardest part about this task is knowing what to throw away, and what to keep. For nerds this can be hard, for the marketing of most of the goods we purchase emphasize retention.

If you’re a true nerd, most of the items littering rooms and filling drawers are marketed as “collectables”. This usually means it’s some kind of trinket relating to a series you like, varying slightly by color or character. Let’s be honest with ourselves, most of this stuff is cheaply made and used as overpriced marketing materials for some movie. While it may seem like these are going to go up in value, they most likely won’t.

That Sonic Screwdriver set you got off of Ebay isn’t rare in any way shape or form. Unless everybody else that owns one decides to do away with theirs, your model isn’t going to go up in value (even with the special edition display case that you just HAD to have). Most of this stuff is going to end up at the bottom of a drawer in two years so remember to think long and hard about what you’re spending that hard earned money on. If you’ve already made the plunge and don’t even hardly look at that “Special Edition” Avengers Lithograph set, either sell it or pitch it. If it’s value increases as much as the advertisement implies, you should be able to fetch a pretty penny for whatever it is. Thus giving you more room to put more collectible crap you’re inevitably going to accumulate over the course of the year, and more money to buy it with!

The truth about parting with these items is that the implied value is often too strong to let go of the item. The truth is as nerds, we’ve been pegged. The marketing teams of our favorite shows know what we want and they know how to give it to us. Force FX lightsabers, Supernatural action figures, Dr. Who TARDIS cookie jars…they’re all tempting in their own right. But the fact of the matter is, unless it serves an actual purpose or is increasing in value, it’s junk. The marketing of “collect them all!” Items can turn any nerd or fanboy into a hoarder. No matter how I justify it, having a full set of Japanese Revoltech Transformers toys is unnecessary. But no matter how much I try to part with them, I just can’t! They got me. The moment I found out there was a whole set I hit Ebay and they’ve been on display ever since. I’m ashamed. But this spring is the spring I’m going to make the change. It’s time to let go.

There’s honestly no reason for me to be saving these things. Nobody in the younger generation cares about a Transformers franchise that doesn’t involve Michael Bay (sad but true). So the hopes of passing this on to my future child is out of the question. They won’t care. The fact of the matter is most people my age don’t care. So where does that leave me? I’m a grown man with factory sealed action figures filling a shelf….Time to get cleaning…This is getting sad.

Good luck on your own spring cleaning projects, just remember not to get too clingy when it comes to your plastic trinkets. Nobody besides you cares, and assuming you have an attention span like me, you probably won’t care much longer anyway. Let go and be free of your collectable plastic shackles!

[email protected]