Screw society, live off the grid

Chris Slattery

Employment for college students can be difficult. It’s hard for employers to take any post-adolescent seriously under the stereotypical, albeit true, notion that they will just use the paychecks to buy cheap vodka.

On the other end of the employment spectrum is the aforementioned student finding a job that they find to be a joke in and of itself. The sheer repetition and mindlessness of work continues eating up brain function well after the student has punched out and begun REM cycles for the evening.

Screw that.

There is an alternative, “living off the grid.”

I don’t recommend that everyone live in cardboard boxes and survive on hunted woodland creatures. I am merely pointing out that it is one, and clearly the best, of the many different living situations available here.

If I were so inclined, I’m sure I could begin my plunge into societal anonymity tomorrow, having spent countless hours watching “Man vs. Wild.” The program has taught me many things about surviving in the wilderness, such as raft building, river crossing and cactus eating, none of which are particularly useful in Allendale.

Regardless, I see nothing but positives: people would be more physically fit, local tent sales would skyrocket and biology classes would be more interesting when people begin to skin and cook squirrels over an open fire in a lecture hall.

Perhaps the only downside would be giving up a cell phone and Facebook addiction. But if being completely out of the system requires such a drastic measures, I am willing to give up my embarrassingly-small texting account and status updates.

Before I go further, homelessness is not funny. It’s a serious, problem across the globe and is sadly on the rise without showing signs of stopping.

However, I was taught at a young age that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. I was also taught that flattery will get you everything, so- by the laws of the transitive property- by becoming homeless ourselves, we are helping the cause.

Keep in mind, you would still have to pay tuition fees and cough up money for textbooks. But after that, you’re completely above the authority that people have placed so confidently in monetary value.

With unemployment at an exhausting high and tuition reaching comical peaks, we as a student body need to start preparing for the long run. Cut up those credit cards and bring a comfortable pair of shoes, because the time has come to kick it like it’s 1935 (or 2009 in Detroit).

Once this off-the-grid transformation is complete, you will be completely free to do whatever you want.

Just don’t go to Arizona. They still require documentation there …

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