Dating in college, part 7: In conclusion

Chris Slattery

Note to self: Never, EVER do another column “series” again.

Because I’ve obligated myself to continue talking about dating without interruptions, I have missed out on some juicy column topics, which are no longer topical: Occupy Wall Street, the death of Steve Jobs, the season finale of “Breaking Bad,” etc.

But while that has been a bummer, the reactions I’ve received from readers were the complete opposite. Everyone has been so generous with their responses, and it was refreshing to hear that so many people were in the same relation-ship (see what I did there?) as me: dating in college is stupid and frustrating. And stupid. I’m insanely grateful for all of the ridiculous and heart-breaking stories I heard, and all of the laughs too.

So what now? Where does one go to escape this constant bombardment of dating pressure? Are we all destined to die alone or aggravated?

If you want my opinion (which is not why you came to the editorial section of this newspaper), there is no escaping, but we’ll be alright in the long run (assuming we’re all long-distance runners).

I’ve been adamant about keeping these columns college-specific, and for a good reason. Why should we lock ourselves in at such a young age? Most of us are in our early 20s still and — as far as I know — there is no law that states we need our romantic futures decided before we graduate (but you should really be watching the Republican debates, just to make sure it’s not a hot-button issue).

The problem is that we live in a society of instant gratification — we type “summary of ‘Moby Dick’” into Google and receive millions of web pages in fractions of a second (“something about a penis…”). The same goes with pursuing a mate: It’s our love and we want it now.

It’s so easy to ask why we can’t find our special someone now. Why all of this heartache and headache? Is it even worth it?

I’ll say yes, partially because I believe it and partially because these last few weeks have been nothing more than pessimistically analyzing college dating in order to get some laughs out of it. Might as well leave everything off on a good note.

To anyone who is in a serious relationship or married, this isn’t meant to attack you. It means you got lucky early (I don’t mean that kind of “get lucky”) and you deserve a medal for that. It’s in the shape of a circle and fits on your ring finger.

As for the rest of us, we’ll find that person (or a suitable substitute) at some point. Patience is a virtue — a stupid, frustrating virtue.

Until that time, we just need to find a healthy way of coping. My method involves lots and lots of vodka and watching “(500) Days of Summer” for the hundredth time. (Perhaps I should clarify what I mean by “healthy.”)

And now back to our regularly-scheduled columns.

[email protected]