For the man who has everything he needs

Chris Slattery

Most of my columns I write are about how hard it is being in college — the stress, the MIPs, the letdown that “The Walking Dead” has been this season — but recently I’ve come across the situation that is more frustrating than any impending final exam coming my way.

I don’t know what I want for Christmas.

I’ll make this universal and say that there comes a time in any adult’s life when they discover that they really have no list this year for whatever holiday they celebrate, be it Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus or something else.

Finally becoming responsible for yourself and buying everything that you need significantly shortens one’s wish list.

Christmas lists are crucial in the Slattery family, which takes a certain mystery out of the holidays. I know exactly what I’m getting because it’s exactly what I asked for. I miss the days when I came downstairs on Dec. 25 and discovered presents I didn’t even know I wanted. A drum set? Cool! A snowboard? I’ll take it! A giant Lego Death Star? Thanks, Santa!

I could be cheeky and say that all I want for Christmas is “you” or “my two front teeth,” but I’m worried that my relatives won’t see the humor and I’ll end up with a pair on incisors in my stocking.

We’re at that age where the holidays are about what people need rather than want. I need new shoes because mine all have holes in them. I need a winter coat because I didn’t know that it gets cold in Michigan this time of year. I need a Subway gift card because $5 footlongs aren’t going to pay for themselves.

But when that “need” well dries up because you can provide for yourself financially and coat-ly, what do you ask for? Usually for a column, I would bullet a quick list of stuff that college students would ask for, but I’m actually at a loss.

I know that I want “things” for Christmas because anyone who says that they want nothing is a liar, but I don’t know what. This first-world problem sounds selfish and immature in my head: “Gimme, gimme, gimme! I need, I need!” But at the same time, I defend it: “It’s Christmas! People get stuff for Christmas!”

There is one thing I can say for certain: not socks. I’ve been “sock”-piling for years now, and I’m finally set in the sock department.

I mean, what do you want? Is there anything, shy of a new laptop or a better car, that you can ask for? It’s somewhat of a satisfying feeling, knowing that you’re good this year, that you can take inventory of your possessions and say with confidence, “Yeah, that’s enough for now.”

Obviously, this means that we’ll be putting more effort into giving quality gifts to replace the hole left by receiving? Um, yeah, sure…

In the spirit of giving, give me an idea of what you want and I’ll see what I can do.

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