I don’t care about Super Bowl commercials anymore

Chris Slattery

Wow, that was a heckuva game yesterday, wasn’t it? Who saw that team winning? Not this, guy, that’s for sure.

Okay, I’ll cut the crap because everyone knows how infrequently I follow sports. Yes, it was the Super Bowl XLVI and that halftime show happened with Madonna but the main reason I watch the Big Game is for the commercials.

Super Bowl commercials have the reputation of having the funniest, wildest and most inspirational commercials of the year. And GoDaddy.com advertisements. Companies spend literally millions of dollars for single advertisements with celebrity cameos, outlandish special effects and long running times, sometimes only to play once. And GoDaddy.com advertisements.

This year, however, I just didn’t care. All the big advertisers aired their commercials early and I just watched them on YouTube while I was supposed to study for… anything.

That “Ferris Bueller” Honda ad? They released it last week. People were disappointed because they expected a sequel to the classic John Hughes movie instead of a plug for the new CR-V that cashed in on the popularity of Matthew Broderick’s lovable ’80s character. Personally, I saw the commercial as a carefully-constructed nod with the best of intentions, but I also liked the movie “Cloverfield” so maybe I shouldn’t be the authority of good taste.

The whole point of these Super Bowl advertisements is the build-up and eventual pay-off. Everyone gathers to watch a tension-fueled game that Doritos occasionally interrupts to remind America that, yes, cheese powder chips still exist. When companies throw down a million dollars for 30 seconds of airtime, we expect them to pull out as many stops as money allows, giving us clever, thought-provoking and wacky scenarios that make us want to buy their products. They are the quintessential water-cooler moments, along with “Saturday Night Live” sketches and “Gossip Girl” cliffhangers.

Why is it that we want everything so immediately, and why do these billion-dollar corporations indulge us? We’re like children, too anxious about Christmas presents that we shake and rattle the box until the wrapping paper can’t help but fall off early. The mystery, the allure, the wait is gone and all that’s left is an overall indifference to everything cool. And it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

That Honda ad should have been a huge deal for me — I love “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and have nothing against automobiles — and given the correct context (Super Bowl Sunday), I would have lost some, if not all, of my marbles upon seeing it. It would have been AN EVENT, but instead half of the audience (and myself) said, “Meh, I already saw it last week.”

Film studios release their movies on iTunes early, record companies leak their albums before the official date, and now the sanctity of the Super Bowl commercial is tarnished. It’s a sad day for America, because now the only surprise left is who wins the game.

And GoDaddy.com advertisements.

[email protected]