The third week of classes is in full swing and by my calculations, it’s about time we get to know our fellow classmates, whether they are willing to give us information or not.

Unfortunately, police background checks are expensive, and following someone home and peeking through their windows is frowned upon.

Thank goodness for Facebook, right? Looking up someone’s profile on Facebook (more commonly known as “Facebook stalking”) is such a staple for college interactions that it’s become easy to find out any new information about your classmates.

Even though Facebook stalking has taken a lot of the mysteries out of life (Does she have a boyfriend? Does he have the same interests as me? Does she look good in a bathing suit?), I find that it can be extremely beneficial in pursuing and sustaining college relationships.

Say by chance that you want to start Facebook stalking. This is how the process goes down: a professor calls out an attractive student’s name (either the student is attractive or their name is). You either make a mental note or jot the name down because your mental notebook has run out of pages.

Once you get free time, which could be after class or the end of the semester, you search this name on Facebook. Depending on their privacy settings you could know anything from their profile picture and favorite quotations to their phone number.

Only use those quotations in the event of an emergency.

But what is the ultimate goal in Facebook stalking? To some, it may be nothing more than the thrill of collecting a stranger’s personal information without actually getting to know a person.

Other motives behind stalking are much less… well, stalky. Looking up people in your class gives you a quick run-down of classmates without you having to spend time getting to know them.

Of course, a Facebook profiles do not accurately sum up a human being. We’re complex creatures who aren’t superficially defined by our profile information. (Also, how can we articulate what annoys us if Facebook won’t give us a “dislike” button?)

But it can shed some light on their personality without making too many assumptions. It’s a quick way to get the gist of a person without running the risk of looking like a weirdo.

Facebook stalking helps more than hurts, and as a veteran stalker myself, I can say that it’s very effective.

By the way, you look very good in a bathing suit.

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